My pregnancy with Lily was hard...different from the others...from the very beginning. I remember the day someone suggested that I was having a hard time because I was having an identity crisis. Maybe, I was struggling with the my role-being a mom, a wife. Maybe my life wasn't what I thought it would be. She said, having an identity crisis was good, normal, part of accepting where we are and understanding ourselves.
I didn't need to look inside of my belly button to solve my identity crisis. I didn't bother to mention that I day-dreamed about being barefoot and pregnant when I was little. (Of course no one is barefoot and pregnant in Yorkshire.) I didn't bother to say your wrong. Sometimes I just let people believe what they want...even when their wrong.
Because the only identity crisis I can understand is the one I have every time I look at the cross. I just can't wrap my mind around that much love.
Yes, sometimes I think it could be called an identity crisis. But it has nothing to do with my babies...nothing to do with Brian. It has everything to do with my Lord. I just wonder what I did right that He would want to be identified with me.
But then, that is not a crisis, just a beautiful mystery.
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