Today I am grateful!

For a home that feels like home.

For a dinner I didn't cook.

For an understanding friend.

For kids that sang songs of praise even when they didn't plan to.

For a tank of gas.

For clean sheets.

For a husband that sees me as beautiful.

For a quiet moment.

For the promise of indian food tomorrow.

For the generous people we are blessed to call friends.

For a new sign that means the promise of better communication.

I am so very grateful.

With this comes joy and grace.

Amen

My Viking Child

Noah, my viking child, is nearing the end of his fantastic fours!
I am not ready for Noah to be five...Noah isn't ready either.

I'm not sure at what moment the viking entered. I wonder if it was because we made him come too soon. I wonder if he is still protesting. Making sure we know that this is his time. Now he gets to choose. May it was always there.

You know when vikings go to battle, they start with a terrible roar. They aim to terrify and intimidate their opponent. It starts deep within and tears out of their throats as their faces furrow and twist under the rage. Noah has mastered this.

WE ALL WANT TO RUN......FORGET THE FIGHT.

Noah doesn't enjoy school. He says, "I HATE School."
He says, "They'll force me to learn."
He says, "They'll force me to play the violin."
He says, "Mom, Why did you do this?"

The hardest thing is I know why I did it and I wish I wasn't still doing it.

One of the things that I love about my children is that they illuminate the things in my life that I need to look at, think on, pray on, possibly change. They show me the times that I am not living a life of charity.

Today I am sad that I am sending Noah to school. I am sad I sent my children to school. I often morn the innocence and virtue they lost. I celebrate the life lessons we have all learned. I pray for the day that we can home~educate again. I miss my kids and we all miss the peace in our home.

As for my viking, He will continue to rage....Not because he knows how to push my buttons.
Not because he knows I'll give in.
Not because he wants control.
He will rage from within and I pray that one day with maturity that same spirit will drive Him to rage for great good. I pray that His Battle Cry will lead many in a faithful defense in our dark world.
I look into my sweet Noah and I see unbridled passion that when perfected in Christ will do remarkable things.

I love you Noah, My Viking Child.

Taken~Blessed~Broken~Given

Today I am a pile of ashes.
Lord, you make beautiful things...from ashes.
Take me and make me beautiful.

Today I am not ready.
Lord, you promise every spiritual gift...everything we need.
Bless me with every grace necessary.

Today I am hurting.
Lord, you suffered everything that I have and more.
Break me into who you want me to be.

Today I am willing
Lord, you give yourself to us.
Give me too...any way you will...for your glory.

Heart Healing

I got to hold the heart! Her heart...and it changed a bit more of mine.

So many of us have broken hearts...wounded and damaged.
Some by relationships.
We weren't loved the way we needed...wanted. We were used or abused, dejected.
Some by sin.
We chose it...and we chose it again.
Some by things we can't express and don't understand.

But I met a heart healer. I met Him a long time ago.

But I didn't trust Him. I was too afraid to let go of my brokeness.
It was my heart and I thought I might loose it all together.

He was patient...and more patient.
I built a high wall
He used words I understood and waited for me to hear them.
I was deaf
He used people I didn't know well and others I've known forever.
I didn't trust
He waited on me.

He whispered and shouted.

One day I heard something beautiful....for just a moment...I could hear....He loves me....and it was heart healing.
I don't have to do anything...most days I can't.
I don't have to be anything...today I just am.
I don't have to have anything...I am just His.

He loves me and I am His.
Not what I have, Not what I do and Not what everyone says about me.
I am just His Beloved Child....He loves Me.

After that day...the day my heart started to heal, I got to hold a heart. It was a beautiful thing.

I felt her heart underneath my hand, burning and yearning. I remembered feeling that too.
We all burn and yearn for love.
I felt Him fill that emptiness...her heart....with love.
It healed a bit more of mine.

And I am so grateful.

Attitude of Gratitude

I have decided to commit to an attitude of gratitude.

In this battlefield of my mind I am constant;y struggling to gain holy ground. For years now I have been too quick to stumble into the hollow of negative space...self pity....despair.

So for today:

~Dr Suess Books

~Rainbows

~Kids laughing

~Applesauce

~3 loads of laundry done

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This Week's Quote

"If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride because it shows that you trust in your own power. Your self-sufficiency, your selfishness and your intellectual pride will inhibit His coming to live in your heart because God cannot fill what is already full. It is as simple as that." ~Blessed Mother Theresa
Thank you Meg for sharing.

Life is Hard

Life is Hard!
Sometimes it seems impossible.
Then I remember that I'm still trying to do it on my own.
I refuse to walk the path of "self-will."
Lord, today it's all you....
I wait on you
your mercy
your will
and then with your grace
I feel peace.
I love you Lord!